8/30: Today is Friday

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Today is Friday and I’m feeling kind of defeated

I missed the mark with something and

I’m hoping it was just a momentary lapse in judgement on my part

I’m hoping it was just a miscalculated step in my plans

I’m hoping I can decipher and discern

What failure tastes like so I can learn how to best avoid this misstep in the future

 

I hope Continue reading

7/30: Expensive – NaPoWriMo

Expensive

 

You’re so expensive

And emotionally taxing

 

I find myself stuck trying to solve the riddle that is you

I’m trying to rearrange

The pieces and either way

I always end up with other valuable pieces missing

 

I have holes

Where hope should be

 

I have holes where

Faith should be

 

And I unknowingly

Traded them in

For the insufficient substitute

That is you

 

I was foolish

To believe that you were a compliment

To my desires and

The fulfillment of my hope

 

I’m bankrupt because

I have been giving you

Time that does not belong to me

 

Now I’m in debt

And I’m praying for a way out

Because I’m finally fed up

I’ve vacated the position

Of being complacent

You are not something

I want to just deal with

 

Even if I have to consolidate

My emotions to fix my broke resolve

I will start from scratch

And rebuild my foundation

Because I need to move past this

Past you

Past corrupt tendencies

That leave me in positions of hopelessness

 

You are expensive

I can’t afford you

I can’t afford what you do to my heart

The state of my emotions

Is in disarray

And I no longer want

To be in this position

Where I’m unkempt

 

This is not love

This is not what love feels like

This is not what love looks like

 

This is what lust is

This is what lust does to feelings

This is what lust does to appearances

 

Love gives the advantage whereas

Lust takes advantage and

I have no more advantages

Left to give

Other than the one I reserved

For myself where

I finally decide to walk away

 

6/30: Pantoum – NaPoWriMo

“Pantoum: Asymmetric Addiction” is a poem from my book, Affirmation of Addiction. You can download the full poetrycollection by clicking here.

Pantoum: Asymmetric Addiction

 

Hysteria has taken root

Since I’ve been separated from my addiction that is you.

The mentality of my understanding has gone asymmetrically acute

Leaving me with a methodic flow far from the romantic norm and essentially askew.

 

Since I’ve been separated from my addiction that is you

The throbbing from extraction is a hindrance that laces my heart.

Leaving me with a methodic flow far from the romantic norm and essentially askew.

Maybe we were perforated from the start?

 

The throbbing from extraction is a hindrance that laces my heart

Where dementia takes the forefront as thoughts become synthetic.

Maybe…? We were perforated from the start.

Essentially laying the foundation for the dehydration of precious aesthetics

 

Where dementia takes the forefront as thoughts become synthetic.

You have permitted a once prohibited state-of-mind

Essentially laying the foundation for the dehydration of precious aesthetics.

Thus making us raw from the friction lead ratio of a lust to love kind.

 

You have permitted a once prohibited state-of-mind.

Hysteria has taken root.

Thus making us raw from the friction lead ratio of a lust to love kind…

The mentality of my understanding has gone asymmetrically acute

 

3 in 1 Poem: The Traveler and Time Keeper

I keep pacing

   Back and forth

Through these verses because

   I know I missed something

In the fine print

   But the pattern eludes me

There’s a cipher unaccounted for

   And now my own lyrics are foreign to me

 

 

So I search for the lady who

   Furthermore, camouflaged in stanzas and rhymes

Has made a study out of the trail of tears

   That decorate the night sky,

That form the constellations that hold the secrets

   of the universe

I discovered when I fell deep – within my element of time

   Here I am practically compounded with sensory thoughts

 

 

And these thoughts lead to memories and dreams where

   I ponder if time travel is possible

These emotions are so strong

   Because I exist simultaneously within three different points of time

I’m the hunter in my dreams and

   I’m the prey in my memories but herein

Above all I am a sojourner in this day and age

   I am a poet

The Battlefield

 

People don’t understand

That my minds a battlefield

Daily my memories and dreams clash

As I walk through the field looking for spoils

Thoughts of success that won over experiences of failure

Dreams of hope that beat out memories of pain

 

People don’t see that at times

My mind’s a failing society because

I can’t seem to make it all come together

As one function

One system agreeing on a common goal

 

Instead it’s all voices

Debating for space

That I no longer have

But these articulate arguments

Have left me agitated at best

Because a weed is still a weed

Whether alone or amongst a field of flowers

 

But even when my dreams are ripe and in full bloom

The distorted voices tend to pollute the open air

And counteract against the light that feeds my desires

Yet and still I sit here amongst this garden

Tending to my will

Hoping that next season’s harvest

Might yield more goodwill