7/30: Expensive – NaPoWriMo

Expensive

 

You’re so expensive

And emotionally taxing

 

I find myself stuck trying to solve the riddle that is you

I’m trying to rearrange

The pieces and either way

I always end up with other valuable pieces missing

 

I have holes

Where hope should be

 

I have holes where

Faith should be

 

And I unknowingly

Traded them in

For the insufficient substitute

That is you

 

I was foolish

To believe that you were a compliment

To my desires and

The fulfillment of my hope

 

I’m bankrupt because

I have been giving you

Time that does not belong to me

 

Now I’m in debt

And I’m praying for a way out

Because I’m finally fed up

I’ve vacated the position

Of being complacent

You are not something

I want to just deal with

 

Even if I have to consolidate

My emotions to fix my broke resolve

I will start from scratch

And rebuild my foundation

Because I need to move past this

Past you

Past corrupt tendencies

That leave me in positions of hopelessness

 

You are expensive

I can’t afford you

I can’t afford what you do to my heart

The state of my emotions

Is in disarray

And I no longer want

To be in this position

Where I’m unkempt

 

This is not love

This is not what love feels like

This is not what love looks like

 

This is what lust is

This is what lust does to feelings

This is what lust does to appearances

 

Love gives the advantage whereas

Lust takes advantage and

I have no more advantages

Left to give

Other than the one I reserved

For myself where

I finally decide to walk away

 

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